So, did you make any New Year's Resolutions? I call mine New Year's Goals. I think that by calling it a resolution it's something I subconsciously expect to accomplish right away and all at once. A goal however, is something that I can work towards, understand that it takes time and effort and be very proud of myself when I reach it. One of my New Year's Goals for 2010 was to eliminate all of the people, places, relationships, etc. that I just know are not good for me. Whether it be that they make me feel sad, bad about myself, play stupid games, are not the friends to me that they expect me to be to them (and I am because I'm just like that), or hurt my feelings on a regular basis...they needed to go. In other words, people places, relationships that are toxic in my life.
It started New Year's Eve. My phone started blowing up with texts from guys I haven't heard from in months. You know what I'm talking about. All single ladies out there have them. They are the guys who tell you how fabulous you are and yet only seem to appear every few months only to disappear just as quickly. In other words, they make contact just enough to make sure you don't forget them but don't have a enough of an interest in you to actually date you. You are their "just in case" girl. The one they call when they don't have any others around. No thank you. I deserve better than that so right then and there I decided it was time to stop the cycle. I had a deletion ceremony as the countdown to 2010 began and one by one deleted all of those disappearing/reappearing guys. Now, if I don't recognize the number, I don't answer. If they really want to talk to me, they will either sign the text or leave a message when they call.
My next light bulb moment was this past Friday. I had some family drama going on and I was very worried and extremely upset. My bestest good friend, Tricia was right there with a message (she was out of town), another friend stayed up late to talk to me by text until he was sure I was calmed down and doing ok. I can't tell you how much this meant to me. Some others though. All I can say is "Wow"! One sent a text asking what was wrong. I sent her an email because it was just way too much to type....still haven't heard a word from her. Again, wow. I've done a lot of hand holding and tear catching with her so I was really surprised. 2 other friends that I called in a crying mess have yet to call me back. Again, wow. I understand that it's in my nature to try to take care of everyone I care about but when I'm the one that needs the comforting, it's nice to know that I can ask for it and get a positive response. Sooooo...these would be the toxic relationships. I've lived and learned there. As for those who helped me. You will never know how much it means to me to have you to lean on and know that you will all listen to me.
So, what will the rest of the year bring my way? It's kind of exciting to think about. I'm thankful that so far I've been strong enough to stick to my New Year's Goal but as I said before, it's a process and I only hope that my strength continues. It's been very liberating and freeing so far. I've decided that it's time to stop worrying about everyone else and to stop running myself ragged putting my own desires and needs aside and do what makes me happy and look out for myself. In the end, it will make me a happier and healthier person and that will trickle down to those around me. So, bring on 2010!
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