I was talking to a couple of my friends at work today about the men I have dated over the years. You might be wondering how this came up and think it's unusual chatter for a work environment. Not in my office. We have to talk about these things in an effort to stay sane. This conversation in particular started because I received a rather weak date invitation earlier today. It was a text that was something to the effect of "Try to come to the fair tonight and maybe meet me". I erased it so I can't tell you word for word but it was along those lines. Let me review this....Drive to the fair on opening night which we all know is very crowded. Fight the traffic to park, pay the admission and then once inside try to call and text you to find you so that then our date can begin. Yeah, gonna pass on that. Now had I been asked to go with someone to the fair might have been a different story. You know, ride together, go in together, walk the fair together, etc. Like a date.
Anywhoo.....this conversation I had with my co-workers was with one female friend and one male friend. Both have twisted senses of humor like I do so pretty much anything goes and that's fine by me. So, after catching our male friend (we do have a nickname for him but I'll leave that out because there is a chance he will read this) up on the conversation he looked at me and said "How do you find these people?". So true and such a good question. This lead into a conversation about some of the highlights. I'll give you just a few.
There was the guy who told me over appetizers that he was still in jail. Yeah, you read that right. He was on work release and at the tail end of the sentence but jail none the less. Oddly enough it was a really good date and that wasn't the reason I stopped seeing him. It was on our second date when pretty much out of no where he unzipped his pants and shall we say put a present in my hand. Yeah, then looked at me like I was the one in the wrong. That was enough of him for me. Shame too, he seemed really nice. Oh and he's out now in case anyone is wondering.
There was the guy that on our first date gave me the rules to being with him and went through a list of what needed to change with me if our "relationship was going to continue". Uh-huh. I did my best to put him in his place...for like 2 hours...but when I could see that it wasn't going to go anywhere good I ditched him. When he figured it out he actually came back. At that point I was chatting with the bartender who also happened to be a friend of mine. He didn't like that, screamed at me and demanded his $5 tip back. Yeah. My friend gave him double the tip back and told him not to come back.
Then there was the guy who got mad at me because I wanted to stay at the bar that we were at to watch a football game. May I add that it was a private party we were at with all of my friend, free food and free drinks!!!! So, we left. Later in the night we were sitting at a bar and a total stranger at the other end of the bar had a Channel purse. Wouldn't think this was a problem would you? Oh but apparently it was. My date started talking about how much it cost and how crazy that was. I thought he was kidding until he started screaming at me about it and about materialism and shallowness. The more he yelled, the harder I laughed which just got him angrier. It got to the point where I left and the bouncers stopped him when he tried to chase me down in the parking lot.
There have been others along the way such as the lilipucian, the guy who showed up to my house with a back pack and pulled a bong and a bag of weed out of it (call him Have Bong Will Travel), the guy who was tatooed and pierced like crazy that my cat and my rabbit tried to kill (he left me alone watching football while wearing a bikini so he could take his cat to the mall to see Santa), the guy who was engaged but wanted to take me out because "afterall you have to keep your options open", and the list goes on. So yeah, as my friend today pointed out I am a freak magnet. I'm currently searching for a cure so if you know of one, please, let me know. I'm ready have a good and normal dating story to tell!
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