Seriously????

Ok, so I know I haven't written in a while. Not much has been going on. Typical things of working, going to the gym and spending time with family but nothing of much interest in the single world. Still not a whole lot going on but now I have a question I must share with the world....why do men continue to think it's ok to text at 3am? Really! Normally this isn't much of an issue in my world. This week however, I've gotten 3 such text messages and not all from the same man either! I thought I had deleted all of those men who considered me their back up plan. Guess I have some more deleting to do.

I don't want you to get the idea, I'm not one of those people who get mad if the phone rings after 10pm. I don't care if it rings in the middle of the night. I can always go back to sleep. There just should be a real purpose. You know, family emergency, friends in trouble, that special someone in your life who just can't get you off their mind, a call from overseas, things like that. Not hey we are at a bar come meet us. Especially not on a Wednesday night. I haven't heard from you in a week and that's when you think of me? No thanks, I have a full time job so therefore chances are good that at 3am on a weeknight I'm sleeping because I have to get up for work in a few hours. For some reason, there are still a group of men who find it acceptable to only contact a woman in the middle of the night to simply come meet them at a bar. While it's nice to be thought of, if you haven't thought of me at any other time and made an effort then you aren't making an effort now, you are still just putting me in your "maybe girl" category. Nah, doesn't fit into my New Year's Goal plan. I know I'm worth an effort and so is the person who will be special to me and I know I wouldn't wait to contact him until 3am.

Yes, I am a freak magnet

I was talking to a couple of my friends at work today about the men I have dated over the years. You might be wondering how this came up and think it's unusual chatter for a work environment. Not in my office. We have to talk about these things in an effort to stay sane. This conversation in particular started because I received a rather weak date invitation earlier today. It was a text that was something to the effect of "Try to come to the fair tonight and maybe meet me". I erased it so I can't tell you word for word but it was along those lines. Let me review this....Drive to the fair on opening night which we all know is very crowded. Fight the traffic to park, pay the admission and then once inside try to call and text you to find you so that then our date can begin. Yeah, gonna pass on that. Now had I been asked to go with someone to the fair might have been a different story. You know, ride together, go in together, walk the fair together, etc. Like a date.

Anywhoo.....this conversation I had with my co-workers was with one female friend and one male friend. Both have twisted senses of humor like I do so pretty much anything goes and that's fine by me. So, after catching our male friend (we do have a nickname for him but I'll leave that out because there is a chance he will read this) up on the conversation he looked at me and said "How do you find these people?". So true and such a good question. This lead into a conversation about some of the highlights. I'll give you just a few.

There was the guy who told me over appetizers that he was still in jail. Yeah, you read that right. He was on work release and at the tail end of the sentence but jail none the less. Oddly enough it was a really good date and that wasn't the reason I stopped seeing him. It was on our second date when pretty much out of no where he unzipped his pants and shall we say put a present in my hand. Yeah, then looked at me like I was the one in the wrong. That was enough of him for me. Shame too, he seemed really nice. Oh and he's out now in case anyone is wondering.

There was the guy that on our first date gave me the rules to being with him and went through a list of what needed to change with me if our "relationship was going to continue". Uh-huh. I did my best to put him in his place...for like 2 hours...but when I could see that it wasn't going to go anywhere good I ditched him. When he figured it out he actually came back. At that point I was chatting with the bartender who also happened to be a friend of mine. He didn't like that, screamed at me and demanded his $5 tip back. Yeah. My friend gave him double the tip back and told him not to come back.

Then there was the guy who got mad at me because I wanted to stay at the bar that we were at to watch a football game. May I add that it was a private party we were at with all of my friend, free food and free drinks!!!! So, we left. Later in the night we were sitting at a bar and a total stranger at the other end of the bar had a Channel purse. Wouldn't think this was a problem would you? Oh but apparently it was. My date started talking about how much it cost and how crazy that was. I thought he was kidding until he started screaming at me about it and about materialism and shallowness. The more he yelled, the harder I laughed which just got him angrier. It got to the point where I left and the bouncers stopped him when he tried to chase me down in the parking lot.

There have been others along the way such as the lilipucian, the guy who showed up to my house with a back pack and pulled a bong and a bag of weed out of it (call him Have Bong Will Travel), the guy who was tatooed and pierced like crazy that my cat and my rabbit tried to kill (he left me alone watching football while wearing a bikini so he could take his cat to the mall to see Santa), the guy who was engaged but wanted to take me out because "afterall you have to keep your options open", and the list goes on. So yeah, as my friend today pointed out I am a freak magnet. I'm currently searching for a cure so if you know of one, please, let me know. I'm ready have a good and normal dating story to tell!

So far so good.....

So, did you make any New Year's Resolutions? I call mine New Year's Goals. I think that by calling it a resolution it's something I subconsciously expect to accomplish right away and all at once. A goal however, is something that I can work towards, understand that it takes time and effort and be very proud of myself when I reach it. One of my New Year's Goals for 2010 was to eliminate all of the people, places, relationships, etc. that I just know are not good for me. Whether it be that they make me feel sad, bad about myself, play stupid games, are not the friends to me that they expect me to be to them (and I am because I'm just like that), or hurt my feelings on a regular basis...they needed to go. In other words, people places, relationships that are toxic in my life.

It started New Year's Eve. My phone started blowing up with texts from guys I haven't heard from in months. You know what I'm talking about. All single ladies out there have them. They are the guys who tell you how fabulous you are and yet only seem to appear every few months only to disappear just as quickly. In other words, they make contact just enough to make sure you don't forget them but don't have a enough of an interest in you to actually date you. You are their "just in case" girl. The one they call when they don't have any others around. No thank you. I deserve better than that so right then and there I decided it was time to stop the cycle. I had a deletion ceremony as the countdown to 2010 began and one by one deleted all of those disappearing/reappearing guys. Now, if I don't recognize the number, I don't answer. If they really want to talk to me, they will either sign the text or leave a message when they call.

My next light bulb moment was this past Friday. I had some family drama going on and I was very worried and extremely upset. My bestest good friend, Tricia was right there with a message (she was out of town), another friend stayed up late to talk to me by text until he was sure I was calmed down and doing ok. I can't tell you how much this meant to me. Some others though. All I can say is "Wow"! One sent a text asking what was wrong. I sent her an email because it was just way too much to type....still haven't heard a word from her. Again, wow. I've done a lot of hand holding and tear catching with her so I was really surprised. 2 other friends that I called in a crying mess have yet to call me back. Again, wow. I understand that it's in my nature to try to take care of everyone I care about but when I'm the one that needs the comforting, it's nice to know that I can ask for it and get a positive response. Sooooo...these would be the toxic relationships. I've lived and learned there. As for those who helped me. You will never know how much it means to me to have you to lean on and know that you will all listen to me.

So, what will the rest of the year bring my way? It's kind of exciting to think about. I'm thankful that so far I've been strong enough to stick to my New Year's Goal but as I said before, it's a process and I only hope that my strength continues. It's been very liberating and freeing so far. I've decided that it's time to stop worrying about everyone else and to stop running myself ragged putting my own desires and needs aside and do what makes me happy and look out for myself. In the end, it will make me a happier and healthier person and that will trickle down to those around me. So, bring on 2010!

Could it be that the red panties are working their magic?

As you all know I took a chance on New Year's Eve and wore red panties when I went to sleep. For those of you who didn't read my last post...1)welcome! and 2) why didn't you read it?......there is a superstition that if it is love/romance that you are wanting to come your way in the new year, wear red panties when you go to sleep on New Year's Eve. If it is financial prosperity that you want to come your way, then wear yellow. Not that I don't need the financial prosperity but I went for the red. Actually, they were a gift form a couple of friends who only want the best for me so they gave me some fancy schmancy ones. I wore them proudly.

Now it is 4 days into the new year and unfortunately, I had to go back to work today after 10 days off. Like I said...it's not that I don't need financial prosperity. Given the extreme cold us South Floridians are currently enjoying, I was able to pull out some winter clothes I don't normally have the opportunity to wear. Also thanks to the cold, there's no humidity so it was a very good hair day. I was looking way cute if I do say so myself.

For those of you who remember my saga with Jeepman this will be especially funny to you. As I was getting out of my car, he pulled into the space right next to me and almost ran from his Jeep to the door. Didn't even push the door extra hard so it stayed open for me much less hold it. He knew I was right behind them. I had on high heeled boots! They make noise, aside from the fact that he freakin saw me. Not even a polite nod or smile or simple hello. So rude, immature and definitely uncalled for. Seriously dude, I don't want you and haven't in a very long time and never will!!! Being polite is not going to cause me to stalk you or anything! You were banished from my kingdom a very long time ago! Be an adult about it all. Again...I will never go out with you again so have no fear of smiling my dear. Anywhoo, I laughed it off, called my sister to tell her, and moved on with my day.

It was an average day work wise. I was in a really good mood for some reason. Not normal for me at work. I got a very nice compliment from a guy friend of mine...who coincidentally works with Jeepman. The compliment definitely made me smile. Come on ladies, we all know that a sincere compliment can brighten our day. Then, I went to the gym and worked out with my trainer. Let's just say I am not a pro at any of this weight training stuff. I get tired, things get really heavy, I'm a sweaty mess but that's all part of the process to improve the body both inside and out. After it was all done and I was sent off to the treadmill to do my cardio I noticed a cutie running on the treadmill next to me....only he was watching me! Me! Sweaty, praying not to die in the gym, me! Woo-hoo! Go me! If he likes what he saw tonight, trust me, it only gets better after a shower and some shampoo...and make up....and cute shoes.

Could it be that the tides are turning? Could it be that the red panties of NYE are working their magic? I know, attitude is everything but if I choose to believe in the power of the red panties, who am I hurting? Stay tuned for future updates!

Ladies...have you got your red or yellow panties ready?

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. There's a superstition out there that says that if it's love/romance that a woman wants to come her way that she should wear red panties when you go to sleep on New Year's Eve and if it's financial prosperity that she is looking for to wear yellow. Yes, I know, it's a superstition...or is this considered an old wives's tale? Regardless, it's worth a try.

New Year's Eve is full of hopes of basically giving yourself a do-over. This isn't always such a bad thing. Think back to all of the not-so-bright dating decisions you may have made in the last year. Wipe the slate clean and give yourself a huge do-over. Want to get in shape? Join a gym and give yourself a do-over! Want to stop smoking? Time for a do-over on the not being able to quit a bad habit thing.

I already started. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week as it is so starting a fitness routine isn't a resolution that I can make. However, I did sign up for another round of sessions with my favorite personal trainer. I think I look great but I also know that I can look and feel better. So, come Monday I will be in extreme pain and wondering why I do this to myself and loving every minute of it. Where exactly is it that I started on the do-over then? Remember Randy the Lilliputian from last night? Well, I was hit on at the gym by a guy that I swear was his clone. I quickly and politely turned him down. Sorry but I did my time with guys like that and it never ever works out so time to try something new. And no, it wasn't the height that made me turn him down it was the attitude. Think "Jersey Shore" transplanted to South Florida for the winter. No thanks.

So Ladies.....what is it that you are looking for in the new year? Set yourself some realistic goals and don't call them resolutions. That's just giving yourself permission to break them. One of my big goals for next year is to get my book published and/or to be published in a national mag. In the meantime, I'll be wearing my pretty red panties when I go to sleep tomorrow night. What color will you be wearing?

Lessons learned over burgers.....

I went and had dinner tonight with two friends, Patti and Amy. It was $1 burger night at Bar Louie and it really can't be missed. Patti and I know each other through a common person who shall remain nameless. Actually, his name in my world and to those closest to me is csl w/ nb. He's an ex and Patti's hubby is his bff. Amy and I have known each other for a couple of years now. I met her through a chain of coincidences. The night started out as any dinner out would. Small talk which leads to more in depth conversation, appetizer, food, laughs, etc. Patti and Amy got along fine and since I'm friends with both it all worked out great for me. At one point, both Amy and I went to the restroom and poor Patti was left alone.

This is where the night gets bizarre. When we came back from the restroom, Patti was being hit on by a very odd guy. His name was Randy, he was a Lilliputian and apparently had been out drinking for quite some time before coming to Bar Louie...and he liked Patti. We all were very quick to point out that Patti was very happily married so he was wasting his time. Amy and I are both single but he wasn't interested in either of us. Woo-hoo! No matter what we did, Randy would not get out of Patti's personal space. Amy and I did all we could to distract him but to no avail. You would not believe the stories and lies Ames told him and he bought them all. Seriously dude...back off! His friend, Ryan, even tried to get him to back off. Finally he convinced him that in order for him to get another drink he had to leave our table and go back to the bar.

So, gentlemen.....what's to be learned from this experience? First of all...if you are the nice guy in the bunch, we will chat with you and will enjoy it but yes, you will be judged by the company you keep. I know, shallow but whatever, it's a reality. Just ask Ryan. We had a good time chatting with him but given that he was attached to the drunk close talker, we didn't want to continue talking to him. Another thing to learn from this may be that if you are drunk, step away from the strangers! Those ladies over at the table do not want to talk to you. They especially do not want you to be practically on their lap. Randy there is just very lucky that Patti has a good sense of humor and is a good sport. Seriously though...when a woman tells you that she is very happily married, believe her!

Take these lessons with you into the New Year! Live and learn boys. I'm here to help.

Silly Boys....tricks are for kids

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I've spent the last 3 days sick. I've gone to work and then right home either to the couch or the bed. Couldn't go to the gym. Couldn't help out with any of the Christmas preparations with the family. Couldn't eat. Couldn't do anything. It was one heck of a diet plan but that's not exactly the right way to go about it. During all of this sick time, I've done a lot of thinking. I know that most people do their reflecting at New Year's but not me. I do it at Christmas. Makes more sense to me. Why make a bunch of resolutions that you know you aren't going to keep? Think I'm kidding? Drive by any gym right after January 1st and then again a few weeks later. You'll see what I'm talking about.

Back to my year.....It's been an interesting year in my dating world. Had some really good times and some sucky times. Let's take a moment to reflect on some of the "Seriously?!!" moments. There was a jeep. Inside that jeep was a boy. A hot boy. I took a chance and left a note. Jeep boy responded to the note. Had about 4 or 5 dates and really connected and poof!!! He was gone. Totally changed personalities. To this day nobody can figure out why he hates me so much out and why it came out of nowhere. At this point it's just funny and on ongoing inside joke among my friends. Suffice it to say, boy has issues. Uses his job as an excuse for everything. That brings me to another stand out date of the past year. I went out with jeep boy's co-worker. Funny how they work on the same projects yet his friend has time for a social life. Like I said..issues. Anywhoo...went to a hockey game with his co-worker and had a great time! Seriously, the best date all year long. We had so much fun! Then a week or so later he hung out with my friends. Another friend had a chit chat with him and he took it as pressure. She told me what she said and even though he told me that he ignores everything other people say and makes up his own mind, he pulled a disappearing act too. Again...Seriously??!! Ok. Live and learn. On the low side of the dating year, there was the ex-boyfriend who out of nowhere started emailing me and invited me to go to the Keys with him while his wife and child were out of town. No! I didn't go!! I refuse to get involved in anyone's drama. His wife still felt the need to come after me and call me "the other woman" even though I haven't seen my ex in years! I finally told her to leave me alone or I would get a restraining order.

Here's a freebie tip to men out there...in the day of instant technology, don't try to hide anything from a girl. We will find out. Guaranteed. Most specifically, get rid of your girlfriend/wife before dating someone else. Really! When you are in a relationship, that means you are with that one person. That's it.While we are on that topic, watch what you put on Facebook because we will see it. If you are single, you put single for your status. You do not put married, in a relationship or it's complicated. If it's complicated, why do you think I want to be involved? Do not have your profile pic be of you and your girlfriend and then try to say you don't have one. Or do, it does make our lives easier.

I know that there is a common misconception that a single person's life is carefree, we have nothing to worry about and an abundance of extra funds in the bank. That our lives are a non-stop party. Not true. Especially with the finances. The bills are all ours. No second income to fall back on if there's just one person living in the house. This year also had some sad moments that had to be faced. My uncle died a few days before Father's Day. My mom's uncle is dying as I write this. My best friend's brother-in-law died earlier this year. That one was especially hard to take. I've known him since high school and he was only a year older than me. It was very tragic. Situations like those teach you just how fragile life is and that we must appreciate each and every moment that we get.

So, 2009 was year full of interesting situations, sad times, "did that just happen" moments, laughs, tears, fights and fun. I'm looking forward to 2010 and hoping that the universe gives me the chance for a big huge do over! Hug your family and remember that friends are the family that you get to choose.